Veganism is the modern totalitarian regime.

Just in case you thought you were, you know, free and everything (did you know that most of the freedom you have exists entirely in that 8 pound super-computer sitting atop your shoulders?) Here's something crazy: you're not; vegans rule over all.

And what's more is that vegans have such a firm grip over the masses that the entire population doesn't even know they're being dictated. This prevents revolt because no one is aware of the fact that we need to be liberated.

How do vegans maintain such a stronghold over the nations, you ask? A little something I (and Bryan Lee O'Malley) like to call vegan power.

How does it work? I challenge you to go for a day without any animal products in your diet. Do you start glowing at night? Are you able to defeat Chuck Norris in a sparring match without breaking a sweat? Do force-fields randomly form around you? Do you suddenly become an elitist (symptoms include scoffing at non-vegans and treating them with pompous indifference)? If yes than you, my friend, are experiencing vegan power. Congratulations! You now control all, supreme being!

However, there is one minor catch: the vegan police. That's right. Three spoonfuls of yogurt and you're finished. And rest assured that they're always watching.....

Yes, indeed, vegans have their own legal enforcement. However, you shouldn't let this fool you because, even with those bothersome restrictions (hey, vegans don't like anarchy either), they're still the all-powerful ones.

So, for all you pitiful non-vegans out there, the next time you happen to meet an actual vegan, make sure to stand in awe; ask them about their raw food diet; perform a random chant or blessing; kneel down and kiss their feet....

 Because, hey, they're just better than us.

-M

Disclaimer: I do not personally discriminate against veganism, or any other restrictive diet. I whole-heartedly support those who freely choose (or are mandated by religion) to eat leaves, berries, nuts and dairy-free Mexican hot chocolate snicker doodles- http://theppk.com/blog/2009/09/16/mexican-hot-chocolate-snickerdoodles/ . However, I do reserve the right to sit across from said persons while eating a quarter pound cheeseburger and possibly stealing a snicker doodle.