I like beaded platform sandals and celtic music.

I realized the other day that I have some very strange obsessions. Decades, for instance. I like the forties and the fifties with the tailored dress suits, netted hats and black and white social "propriety" videos they used to brainwash the masses. And the nineties, the nineties were great: thigh-high socks with wedge sandals and belly shirts (think Clueless), the health movement, Bill Clinton? All great. Alright, maybe not Bill Clinton.

But my secret decade obsession? The early 2000's. I love the long hippie skirts, the halter midriff tops, the platform beaded sandals, tie-dye pants and hair jewelry. I embrace that sort of tackiness into my life. I desperately want to save up my money to buy a hair crimper. And that orange glitter lipstick? I have 2 tubes. I put it on with my purple feather boa and rock out to Vitamin C.

So in celebration of unconventional obsessions, I decided to list the top fifteen loony loves-of-my-life.

WHY I'M A FREAK:

1. Magnetic notepads with inspirational quotes that you stick on your refrigerator. "A loving heart is the truest wisdom."
2. Scented candles and soap. A couple of hours in the Yankee Candle store is always a good day.
3. Floral things. And sunflowers. I'll buy anything that has sunflowers on it.
4. Folk, Celtic and Mo-town music. Also, foreign pop; it's the same rubbish, just in different languages.
5. Battlestar Galactica and Dr. Who. Science Fiction in general.
6. Things wrapped in newspaper, wax paper, or brown paper. And twine.
7. The Platypus. An animal with webbed feet, fur, a beavers tail and a beak. Enough said.
8. Grocery stores. If I'm ever lost, I'm going to the nearest grocery store I can find. They make me feel safe and happy.
9. Sponge paint.
10. Solitaire. See post below.
11. Office supplies. Especially pencil sharpeners.
12. Mystery novels. Even the bad ones.
13. Small, decorative boxes. I have 4 soap stone boxes that serve absolutely no purpose.
14. Landscape paintings. Yep, I'm talking Thomas Kinkade. I've completed way too many puzzles with my grandmother.
15. Grammatical errors and typos in books or on the T.V. guide. It's like your birthday every time they happen.

Ahhhh. You see, I feel great now. A little self-indulgent blogging always does a person good!

But don't let this stop with office supplies and sponge paint! Let me know what your strangest obsessions are! Yes, that means you, empty electronic void that I send my thoughts to! YOU.

I fear I've taken this too far.


"Love never fails; Character never quits; and with patience and persistence; Dreams do come true."
More wisdom from my freezer.
 -M

The best music videos are told from the perspective of a milk carton.

It's true. Just watch Blur's "Coffee and T.V." and you'll understand. Some of you might remember the 90's band Blur (hugely famous in the U.K. for popularizing the genre of "Brit-pop" and the "Brit-pop wars" it started with rival band Oasis), but for those of you who don't I'll key you in: they're awesome.

Though they were never very popular in the U.S., they were beloved in the U.K. in the early-mid nineties. They did quite well for many years, but in 2002 the band suffered when guitarist Graham Coxon left and they eventually fell off the charts. Damon Albarn held on for a while, but he eventually dropped the band to pursue other endeavors, one of them being the formation of band the "Gorillaz" (sound familiar?)

The band did make strides recently by touring around the U.S., which was quite successful, too. I wouldn't hold my breath for them to reunite any time soon, but at least we have their earlier albums to get us through the pain, right?

The video is just absolutely adorable. How could you not love a milk carton with eyes that big! He's just too cute (and healthy!)

Anyway, here's the video for you to enjoy! And while you're at it, check the rest Blur's singles out!

Just give me coffee and T.V., pleeaaseee...

-M.

I dream in solitaire.

We all have those terrible time-wasters. I, in fact, have many. Blogging being one of them. And now I am using said time-waster to discuss with you another unique time-waster. There's a beautiful symmetry to all of this.


For the past 3 years I have had a closet obsession: online solitaire. It started with the generic prototype solitaire that your computer comes with (just go to your task bar, click start and go to games and you'll discover the wonderment) and slowly branched to more complex types (spider solitaire, casino solitaire, multi-decked, pyramid, Klondike). I am not sure what it is that drives me. There's some strange gear in my mind that connects to my 'happy node' that can only be stimulated by such things. I bet that if you ran a CT scan while I was playing solitaire, you'd see an abnormal amount of dopamine being secreted by my hypothalamus. Why? Something about the order and structure of solitaire pleases the logic-oriented half of my brain. I get a rush for placing things into a systematic order. Red here, then black followed by a 3 of hearts to the top, touch pile, sift, locate needed card, place accordingly....I just love it.


The downside to all of this (besides the amount of valuable time it wastes)? I have begun to dream in solitaire. I'll close my eyes and see that green screen and I'll fall asleep trying to arrange all of the cards. I dream that I am the cards. I dream that I'm a tiny pixel in the computer, having to lift each giant card and move them until I win. Cards shuffle constantly through my brain, like a computer scrolling through thousands of pages of binary code.


Now, seeing as this isn't an entirely normal situation, I decided to do what I love best: research online. I found a great site called Dream Moods that gives insights into all sorts of things having to do with dreams: the importance of dreams, what dreams are, dreams according to age and sex, popular dreams, reoccurring images or sequences of actions in dreams...lots of things. One of the things that struck me was what the site used when offering explanations of what dreams are:


"In our dreams, we can go anywhere, we can be anybody, and we can do anything. When we dream, we are like passengers on a moving train, unable to control our actions and choose surroundings. We let our mind take over. Sometimes, dreams can be understood in the the context of repressed thoughts. Dreaming serves as an outlet for those thoughts and impulses we repress during the day. When we go to sleep at night and slip into our dream state, we feel liberated and behave and act in a manner that we do not allow ourselves in our waking life. "
- Dream Info: Dream Moods Website (Copyright 2000-2009, Dream Moods Inc.)

So my dream liberation is solitaire? This had me extremely concerned for my overall sanity until, however, I read this:


Cards
To dream that you are playing a game of cards, represents your ability to strategize in various areas of your life. In particular, diamonds indicate wealth and materialism, clubs indicate work and industry, hearts indicate happiness in love, and spades indicate troubling times and disappointments. To dream that you are shuffling cards, signifies indecision. You need to reevaluate your choices.
-Dream Bank: Dream Moods Website (Copyright 2000-2009, Dream Moods Inc.)


So perhaps the solitaire dreams are symbolic? Am I indecisive? Should I reevaluate my choices? Am I able to strategize well? Or am I just severely unhinged?


Who knows. I may not have found the answer to my solitaire visions, but I did find lots of interesting information on dreams. I encourage you to check the site out. If you have dreams of falling, chasing or lots of symbols that appear in your dreams, it's a great place to understand the psychology behind everything.


And if you want a taste of the Solitaire insanity, here's some of my favorite online solitaire websites below.


http://worldofsolitaire.com/
http://www.freeplaysolitaire.com/
http://www.solitairecraving.com/
http://www.solitairenetwork.com/


Oh and those Bill Nye playing cards? How many of us had those when we were a kid? I still have mine.


I play solitaire with them while learning about magnetics and other properties of physical science.
-M

Your dentist is probably suicidal.

You know that pseudo-friendly middle aged white man who prods in your mouth with a tiny metal mirror and always seems to have cold hands? He's probably going to hang himself with a noose as soon as you exit his stuffy office. Or at least that's what we've been led to believe.

Dentists' odds of committing suicide are 6.64 times greater than the rest of the working population. Why? Think about it. How many of us actually want to go to the dentist? The pediatrician is okay, because they give you stickers and you're usually too sick to care that they're going to talk to you like you're a seven year old and give you a shot. But the dentist? He/she spends their entire day prodding through your tongue and spit while you're either crying or giving them a look of total grief and hatred. And even when they're not having to deal with emotionally disturbed children who'd love nothing more than to chuck those metal utensils into their eyes (and often try to), they have to endure those looks of haughty arrogance they receive from doctors who, though have not actually spent any more time in medical school or otherwise training for their profession, see dentists as the lowest physician on the totem pole and refuse to give them any respect. After all they are only dealing with your teeth. Who really needs those?

If a dentists' main source of aggravation, however, is indeed the looks of scorn they receive from medical physicians, they'll be happy to know that those doctors are just beneath them with suicide rates, a reported 3 percent of deaths due to suicide come from the medical doctoring profession. If you're going down, bring them down with you, right?

If you're interested in finding more about suicide rates according to profession, there's a great site below where all of the information discussed, and more, can be found.

http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2301/do-dentists-have-the-highest-suicide-rate

And next time you go to see your dentist for your annual cleaning, make sure to give him a big hug.
You know he probably needs one.

-M.

I am a terrible human being, with absolutely no prospects.

The title of the post is supposed to, in some warped way, branch into an apology. I read once that people are more likely to forgive another person when said person apologizes using self deprecating terminology. This gives the other person a since of power, making them feel as if they are orchestrating the entire apology, and then they feel they have things in their control (which is probably why the fight started in the first place, most fights birthed from a power struggle between either opponent); the person feels as if all of their conflicts have been solved and then the object of their frustrations morphs into a sad, sweet martyr who honestly is trying to change. Generally, all of this is a sack of monkeys, because the other person usually is just manipulating them so they won't have to sleep on the couch for another weekend.



With all of that being said, here it goes: I am a lazy, lying, ruthless, evil, and cowardly moron. There. Are you feeling sorry for me now? Really? Good. Because here comes phase two: the explanation.



I know I haven't posted for....well, let's not go there. I could make up some grand excuse that would probably have something to do with not having enough time, being so busy, having a crisis happen, etc, etc. But the fact of the matter is, I'm just incredibly lazy. Really, I am. And since I am this lazy, instead of giving you nice, detailed, easy-to-read paragraphs outlining everything that has changed since the last post, I am going to list it. Hazzah! Listing is fun! Especially for those whose dominate brain hemisphere is the left one!



So here's for all the lefties:



-Finished school
-Tested for higher level of belt in Tae-kwon-do (this I shall not reveal because, while it was indeed higher, it is still embarrassingly low) and succeeded
-Built porches and re shingled roofs in the soup-like weather that Tennessee has to offer
-Realized that art store job did not work with my schedule (I would be gone for 5 weeks total in the summer), found a new job with great hours, nannying the two sweetest children on earth
-Started volunteering and internship at the hospital
-Misunderstood deadlines and information about personal TB tests, so was forced to resign from volunteering and internship at the hospital
-Started the outdoor club, which is still continuing well
-Did not have enough time for art classes, opted instead for a week of class at the local liberal arts college (took a class in acrylics!)
-Read Edgar Sawtelle
-Annotated Edgar Sawtelle
-Chose extended definition essay topic question to revolve around bioethics
-Researched and completed essay
-Took a trip to the mountains of North Carolina (where I found an official illustrated reprint of Clemens' Huckleberry Finn for eight dollars at an antique store)
-Began phone calls for the club I hope to build, 'Urban Artisans'
-Camped
-Got rained out while camping
-Returned home
-Updated blog



There it is. Sad? Perhaps. But it is indeed the truth. I still have the planner. The big, industrial planner. I do recommend planners, by the way, because while my life was going up in shambles, it went so in a very organized chaos. All thanks to my big, black, industrial planner. So three cheers for planners!



Now, I really must be going, because I have a very important appointment that I must keep (seeing the new movie Despicable Me because, yes, I do enjoy family movies and little yellow henchman with large goggles).



I really don't know what more to say. Except, however, that you absolutely MUST visit this blog:



http://utopiamatters.blogspot.com



One of my greatest friend writes it, and she is genius. So go, appreciate!



And please forgive the lazy, festering meatloaf that I am.
Still feeling sorry?
No.
Alright. 
I'll get the sheets.



-M.