We're all a little quark-y.



Above: artistic representation of a photon spreading through a quark, transferring energy that the quark then uses to replicate itself.



If you've ever opened a chemistry book, or even watched one of those guilty-pleasure apocalyptic conspiracy programs on Discovery Channel, then you know that all living things are composed of atoms, and within these atoms exist a trio of subatomic particles: the negatively charged electrons that orbit in individual pathways around the nucleus that contains the much more dense proton (+) and neutron (~) particles.

"A neutron walks into a bar, walks up to the bartender and orders a drink. The bartender, as the neutron reaches for his wallet, stops  the neutron and says: 'For you, no charge.'"

However, it does not stop there. Recently, in the past 50 years, scientists have been able to identify what are called quarks: infinitely small quanta which are bound by energy and, along with leptons and bosons, create every hadron (or subatomic particle composed of one or more of the three quantae) known to man. There exist, as far as research shows, six types of quarks: up, down, strange, charm, top and bottom. The most common are the up and down quarks, which are found bound together in protons. Quarks are classified according to color, charge, mass and spin, and are never found alone (and, thus, have never been studied outside the limits of the hadrons they compose).


But why is this important? Well, these quantas not only explain atomic matter, but also the energy levels of photons and wave-dualism, fundamental components of relativity that ultimately attempt to explain the vast, complex and unique universal womb we are carried in. Many gravitational and universal theories have been quantified from these discoveries, such as Everett's multi-verse theory (also known as parallel dimensionalism) and, most recently, the universal string theory. Mankind, after centuries of struggling with our identities, is finally on the brink of understanding who we are, and where we come from. And the fact that we can come so close to the meaning of  the true nature of our existence is, in a word, AMAZING.


Of course, there are many other elements to particle physics (heh) and quarks, but for the beginner, I highly recommend Hank Green's (musician, contemporary artisan, and environmental activist) didactic music video, very appropriately titled Strange Charm: A Song About Quarks, to understand the basics of these quark-y particles.

"What did the duck say to the particle physicist?"
"Quark!"
Alright, I admit it, that one was bad.
-M

FAILURE IS FANTASTIC.

Now that is one good alliteration. Did you know that alliterations can significantly improve one's memory(studies showing it reduces reaction time 110 milliseconds from a sentence using no alliteration)? No? Well, here you go:

ALL ALLITERATIONS ARE APPLICABLE AND AWESOME

This post is not about alliterations, though. No, it's about failure, because failure is, in fact, fantastic. Failure humbles and inspires us, challenging to grow and evolve in order prepare ourselves for great success--I'm sure you are already aware of this. What you may not be aware of, though, are the thousands of incredibly talented and successful people who failed A LOT. Michael Jordan, for instance,---he was cut from his high school basketball team. Enrico Caruso's music teacher told him he had no voice and could not sing (his parents wanted him to become an engineer). And let's not even talk about how many times Abraham Lincoln failed before finally becoming the 16th president of the United States. Failure happens to everyone, what matters is whether or not we let it defeat us.

So, let's celebrate the persevering, because they're truly remarkable...and because their failures make us feel better about ourselves.

FAILURES:

Winston Churchill failed sixth grade. He was subsequently defeated in every election for public office until he became Prime Minister at the age of 62. He later wrote, "Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never, Never, Never, Never give up." (his capitals, mind you)


Sigmund Freud was booed from the podium when he first presented his ideas to the scientific community of Europe. He returned to his office and kept on writing.
 
Charles Darwin gave up a medical career and was told by his father, "You care for nothing but shooting, dogs and rat catching." In his autobiography, Darwin wrote, "I was considered by all my masters and my father, a very ordinary boy, rather below the common standard of intellect." Clearly, he evolved.
 
Thomas Edison's teachers said he was "too stupid to learn anything." He was fired from his first two jobs for being "non-productive." As an inventor, Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. When a reporter asked, "How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?" Edison replied, "I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps."
 
Albert Einstein did not speak until he was 4-years-old and did not read until he was 7. His parents thought he was "sub-normal," and one of his teachers described him as "mentally slow, unsociable, and adrift forever in foolish dreams." He was expelled from school and was refused admittance to the Zurich Polytechnic School. He did eventually learn to speak and read. Even to do a little math.
 
Louis Pasteur was only a mediocre pupil in undergraduate studies and ranked 15th out of 22 students in chemistry.
 
 Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper editor because "he lacked imagination and had no good ideas." He went bankrupt several times before he built Disneyland. In fact, the proposed park was rejected by the city of Anaheim on the grounds that it would only attract riffraff.
 
After Fred Astaire's first screen test, the memo from the testing director of MGM, dated 1933, read, "Can't act. Can't sing. Slightly bald. Can dance a little."
 
In 1944, Emmeline Snively, director of the Blue Book Modeling Agency, told modeling hopeful Norma Jean Baker, "You'd better learn secretarial work or else get married." I'm sure you know that Norma Jean was Marilyn Monroe.
 
 In 1954, Jimmy Denny, manager of the Grand Ole Opry, fired Elvis Presley after one performance. He told Presley, "You ain't goin' nowhere, son. You ought to go back to drivin' a truck."
 
Beethoven handled the violin awkwardly and preferred playing his own compositions instead of improving his technique. His teacher called him "hopeless as a composer." And, of course, you know that he wrote five of his greatest symphonies while completely deaf.
 
Van Gogh sold only one painting during his life. And this to the sister of one of his friends for 400 francs (approximately $50). This didn't stop him from completing over 800 paintings.
 
 Leo Tolstoy flunked out of college. He was described as both "unable and unwilling to learn."
 
 William Saroyan accumulated more than a thousand rejections before he had his first literary piece published.
(All information taken from: http://www.des.emory.edu/mfp/efficacynotgiveup.html)
 
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
-Marianne Williamson
 
Failure, we salute you.
-M

Marcel the Shell

I take back what I said about Fruit Salad by the Wiggles. Though it is a creative masterpiece, I doubt it comes anywhere near Marcel the Shell. Words cannot explain the genius that went into this. So, because I can offer no better explanation, here it is:



Oh and, by the way, the voice is completely unedited. A wonderful woman out there named Jenny Slate actually sounds like this. Raw talent, baby.

You know what I do for adventure?
I hand glide on a Dorito...
-M

Soap ROCKS.

You know what? I love soap. Really, sometimes I spend hours online looking at soap.

I go to a different bath store every time I visit a mall to smell the soap that they have. Sometimes I go to the same stores and re-smell the soaps.

When asked what I'd like for Christmas I tell people that I want soap. LOTS of soap.

 I am thinking about purchasing a soap-of-the-month-club subscription.

I have a collection of soaps. Soaps that look like rocks, fuchsia soap, soap with flower petals sealed inside, soap with lavender seeds that poke through, soap with oatmeal sprinkled around the edges, sunflower soap, french-clay soap, rosewood soap, ceder soap, rainbow soap....

I'm obsessed. It's bad, I know, but I just can't help myself. Soap is awesome.

And so, to spread the glory of soap, I give you my favorite soap sites:

http://www.soaptopia.com/
http://www.creamerycreek.com/

Go. Look at the soap. Think about the soapy-smells. Laugh at the clever soap names. Compare yourself to the soap: Am I a lavender? Or a sage-bergamont twist? Appreciate each soap's beauty. REVEL in your soap moment. And then do it all over again.

Because I'm not crazy. Soap is great.
-M

Veganism is the modern totalitarian regime.

Just in case you thought you were, you know, free and everything (did you know that most of the freedom you have exists entirely in that 8 pound super-computer sitting atop your shoulders?) Here's something crazy: you're not; vegans rule over all.

And what's more is that vegans have such a firm grip over the masses that the entire population doesn't even know they're being dictated. This prevents revolt because no one is aware of the fact that we need to be liberated.

How do vegans maintain such a stronghold over the nations, you ask? A little something I (and Bryan Lee O'Malley) like to call vegan power.

How does it work? I challenge you to go for a day without any animal products in your diet. Do you start glowing at night? Are you able to defeat Chuck Norris in a sparring match without breaking a sweat? Do force-fields randomly form around you? Do you suddenly become an elitist (symptoms include scoffing at non-vegans and treating them with pompous indifference)? If yes than you, my friend, are experiencing vegan power. Congratulations! You now control all, supreme being!

However, there is one minor catch: the vegan police. That's right. Three spoonfuls of yogurt and you're finished. And rest assured that they're always watching.....

Yes, indeed, vegans have their own legal enforcement. However, you shouldn't let this fool you because, even with those bothersome restrictions (hey, vegans don't like anarchy either), they're still the all-powerful ones.

So, for all you pitiful non-vegans out there, the next time you happen to meet an actual vegan, make sure to stand in awe; ask them about their raw food diet; perform a random chant or blessing; kneel down and kiss their feet....

 Because, hey, they're just better than us.

-M

Disclaimer: I do not personally discriminate against veganism, or any other restrictive diet. I whole-heartedly support those who freely choose (or are mandated by religion) to eat leaves, berries, nuts and dairy-free Mexican hot chocolate snicker doodles- http://theppk.com/blog/2009/09/16/mexican-hot-chocolate-snickerdoodles/ . However, I do reserve the right to sit across from said persons while eating a quarter pound cheeseburger and possibly stealing a snicker doodle.

Why I feel bad for people who host children's network TV:

Have you ever seen that woman in her mid-thirties that appears between commercials on PBS? How terrible must her every day work experience be?

e.g:
"Where's the pink object? Can you spot something pink?"

Chorus of pre-recorded children shouting: 'There, there! The couch!'

"The rug?"

'No, no, the couch!'

"OH, the couch! Yes, the couch IS pink! Very good!"


How fulfilling can it be to do this all day long? Sitting in front of a green screen talking to invisible puppets and smiling like you've been pumped with Prozac?


It always makes me wonder what career these people wanted to have when they were younger. It must be so depressing to know your greatest accomplishment in life is helping kids find a pink couch.


It's the same way I feel about local news anchors and children's christian music composers (if you've ever been to Vacation Bible School, you'll know exactly what I mean). These people do not get payed enough considering the amount of dignity they sacrifice each day.


And because this is not only sad, but also really entertaining I've included what has to be the greatest masterpiece since the Ferbie:





Enjoy.


"Where's the couch?"
'There! There! It's right behind you!'
-M

P.S. Notice the guy in the photo? Look real close....IT'S STEVE! From Blues Clues? With his notepad and big red chair and mail time song? *Sigh* Those were the good days. Now he's a musician. That's right! You can by Blues Clues Steve's album on i-tunes, just look up Steven Burns (and hope he's included a track of the mail time song).

I like beaded platform sandals and celtic music.

I realized the other day that I have some very strange obsessions. Decades, for instance. I like the forties and the fifties with the tailored dress suits, netted hats and black and white social "propriety" videos they used to brainwash the masses. And the nineties, the nineties were great: thigh-high socks with wedge sandals and belly shirts (think Clueless), the health movement, Bill Clinton? All great. Alright, maybe not Bill Clinton.

But my secret decade obsession? The early 2000's. I love the long hippie skirts, the halter midriff tops, the platform beaded sandals, tie-dye pants and hair jewelry. I embrace that sort of tackiness into my life. I desperately want to save up my money to buy a hair crimper. And that orange glitter lipstick? I have 2 tubes. I put it on with my purple feather boa and rock out to Vitamin C.

So in celebration of unconventional obsessions, I decided to list the top fifteen loony loves-of-my-life.

WHY I'M A FREAK:

1. Magnetic notepads with inspirational quotes that you stick on your refrigerator. "A loving heart is the truest wisdom."
2. Scented candles and soap. A couple of hours in the Yankee Candle store is always a good day.
3. Floral things. And sunflowers. I'll buy anything that has sunflowers on it.
4. Folk, Celtic and Mo-town music. Also, foreign pop; it's the same rubbish, just in different languages.
5. Battlestar Galactica and Dr. Who. Science Fiction in general.
6. Things wrapped in newspaper, wax paper, or brown paper. And twine.
7. The Platypus. An animal with webbed feet, fur, a beavers tail and a beak. Enough said.
8. Grocery stores. If I'm ever lost, I'm going to the nearest grocery store I can find. They make me feel safe and happy.
9. Sponge paint.
10. Solitaire. See post below.
11. Office supplies. Especially pencil sharpeners.
12. Mystery novels. Even the bad ones.
13. Small, decorative boxes. I have 4 soap stone boxes that serve absolutely no purpose.
14. Landscape paintings. Yep, I'm talking Thomas Kinkade. I've completed way too many puzzles with my grandmother.
15. Grammatical errors and typos in books or on the T.V. guide. It's like your birthday every time they happen.

Ahhhh. You see, I feel great now. A little self-indulgent blogging always does a person good!

But don't let this stop with office supplies and sponge paint! Let me know what your strangest obsessions are! Yes, that means you, empty electronic void that I send my thoughts to! YOU.

I fear I've taken this too far.


"Love never fails; Character never quits; and with patience and persistence; Dreams do come true."
More wisdom from my freezer.
 -M